I?ve checked my email way too many times today. I’ve been hitting the Get New Mail button in the hope that something new will distract me from the work I should be doing instead of aimlessly surfing the web (see previous entry). Usually there’s nothing, maybe a single piece of spam but occasionally I’ll hit it big and a sudden clump of mails will come through. The number total in my inbox starts climbing, 2..3…5…7 A pause and I think it’s all finished, but wait, now it’s 8, yes, .. and one more ..9

Exhausted from its delivery, my email program sits back and I promise to let it rest a while. There’s a wave of excitment as I anticipate opening my mails, who will they be from? Maybe an offer of work, a party (not Evite though, I loathe that) an old friend that I haven?t heard from in years, or just current friends just catching up. Oh the possibilities. But also the potential for grand disappointment.

Can’t wait to know? Read on.

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Dear Maggie Gallant of Spotlight Communications, I recently came across your name while idly googling my own. I do it from time to time, just to see if there’s any new Maggie Gallant’s, because we’re not terribly common are we. We only merit 5 pages of entries on Google. Anyway, I’m just writing to congratulate you on your achievements as Maggie Gallant and to keep you up-to-date with my own. (more…)

How the hell has the mainstay of tampax advertisements - white jeans - become the new fashion must-have. It used to be that you only wore white jeans if you were being paid to stroll confidently down the beach displaying your pure white unsullied jeans crotch at the camera. Or if you were Liz ’sticking with the 80s’ Hurley. Or you were perma-tan Donatella Versace, who I foolishly hoped had hammered the final nail in the white jean coffin when she brought out a fragrance called Versace White Jeans. Wonder what that scent was based on. Hopefully not the same pair of jeans the tampax girl was wearing.

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Recent half page advertisement in the Lenham parish magazine, a dependable source of local news, services and events from my home village in England. Always something there to bring a tear of laughter to my eye and a choking sensation to my throat.

(Editorialised)

MISSING!!
(two exclamation points to denote surprise and/or excitement)

White/tabby cat with black splotches
(the latter perhaps from a cruel prank?)

Grey strip on back
(duct tape? see above)

Short legs
(how much shorter could they be? maybe they’re not legs at all, just paws glued to the abdomen)

Left eye looks as if wearing eyeliner
(probably blue eyeshadow too … slut)

Worried.
(not surprised)
Please call.