Last Sunday, a man came over to pet Storm, our golden retriever. It’s not unusual. I?m pretty used to the ?oh what a beautiful dog? comments and while I dare myself to say she gets her looks from my husband, I don’t. I just say thank you.

Storm seemed to be getting more than her usual pat on the head, in fact the man was now crouched down at her level and they seemed quite enthralled with each other. Without looking up at me, the man said that he?d just lost his golden two weeks ago.

(more…)

I wonder if it?s FAA regulations to have a screaming child on every single flight, or just the ones I?m on. I dread getting a flight almost as much as I do going to the movies and for pretty much the same reason. Small children. I accept that not every 5 year old-or-under on a plane shrieks for no apparent reason, but the well-behaved ones are rare. And even then, I don?t really get to enjoy the silence because I?m all tensed up waiting for them to start.

Where are all these flying families coming from? That’s rhetorical, I’m not looking to find geographical patterns. What happened to family road trips? I understand that they take longer and are probably far more gruelling for you parents. But having offspring was your choice. Every flight I’ve been on recently has had at least 3 separate sets of small children/strollers,etc at the pre-board point. On Southwest, pre-board is great because once you get on, you can map out where the squealers are and sit as far away as possible. Or so you think. Just before the doors close, another 6 sets appear miraculously and take all the seats around you, so you can be assured of surround sound.

And what is it about being a parent that makes you totally oblivious to the level of noise and disruption your kid is causing. It’s only freedom of expression if it’s in your own home or among people who think yours is as cute as you do. A low sshhh, whispered after 5 or 6 random high-pitched squeals is as ineffective as smacking your dog on the nose with a newspaper after it’s done something wrong. Though smacking a child on the nose with a newspaper may yield better results

(more…)

Like most people I imagine, I was shocked by the leaked Independent Police enquiry reports into the shooting of Jean Charles de Menezes, the Brazilian mistaken for a suicide bomber.

That a man would run down the last few stairs of an escalator to catch an approaching tube train is entirely understandable, given the erratic nature and general poor service of the Northern Line.

That a surveillance officer taking a piss would lead to an innocent man being shot 7 times in the head at close range while being restrained in his seat is indefensible.

That Sir Ian Blair, Scotland Yard Commissioner, allowed lies over Mr de Menezes’ appearance and actions to be perpetuated demands immediate answers.

That the Commissioner also attempted to stop an independent external investigation because of worries over morale of the elite squad is a disgrace.

The shooting was murder. Sir Ian Blair’s position is untenable.

What did that last entry mean? It didn’t even make sense. I just wanted to write something as a place holder because I?m trying to update my blog every couple of days and yesterday I realized I hadn?t. I was trying to think of something other than comedy and then Uncle Brian popped up. Not literally, because I think he?s dead. It was a weird thing for him to say though wasn?t it? Well-intentioned perhaps, but I remember feeling quite creeped out by him. Happily spent the 50 pence on sweets and crisps though.

Oh there?s too many thoughts in my head today to write about any one thing. Sorry but you’re just getting a cobbled together list of not very much. Sounds about as enticing as a bowl of my mum’s (Campbells) cream of mock turtle soup.

(more…)

Oh stand-up comedy, you remind me of my slightly pervy uncle brian who quietly slipped a shiny 50 pence piece in my trouser pocket when I was 11 and said he wished he was my dad.

Silly title, because it sounds like I can?t stop writing music, but instead of putting the word writing in parentheses, I’ve mistakenly put music. And even then, it would read ‘can’t stop the writing music’ makes as much sense as ‘can’t stop the music writing’. It’s all a lie anyway because I don?t even write music. I was of course trying to cleverly reference the Village People song, though in their case, it would have been better if they had stopped the music.

I actually meant that I can?t stop writing comedy material, though I wish that would include better crafted blog titles. Specifically I mean stand-up material, I can?t stop writing stand-up material. There, two paragraphs just to make that clear. Please don’t feel obliged to read on. Though I will say that there’s no more references to stopping or even starting the music.

(more…)

Went to McCormick and Schmicks for dinner last night. Erik and I hadn?t been out for a while and we fancied a white tablecloth and free bread kind of meal.

Our waiter was one of the local Austin comics doing his day (night) job. I know him reasonably well, he always greets me with ?alright guvnor?, delivered in a chim-chiminy bad British accent. Never gets old. Nope. Not even after 18 months.

But he didn?t do it tonight and this break with tradition felt quite awkward.

(more…)