I don?t think absence makes the heart grow fonder, I think it just makes people forget how stupid they sound using the word ‘fond’.

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Children on planes that expect me to join in playing peekaboo. It’s boring and repetitive.

People who claim life begins at 40. It doesn’t.

Coaches full of people in name badges staring out the windows.

Golfing stores, golf carts and golfers.

Women talking about their gynaecologist visit.

People that sing Rod Stewart’s ‘wake up Maggie’ whenever I’m around.

People who eat with their mouth’s open or attack food like it’s a renaissance fair turkey leg.

Americans who support Manchester United. Or say Beckham is their favorite player.

American comics who make fun of the British. Why not throw in a really crappy accent while you’re about it.

People who start a conversation in an elevator and then make you stand there holding the door open while they finish their chit chat.

People who cough repeatedly. Get a lozenge or go away.

Boiled eggs where the whites are all runny and pleghmish.

People who write like they’re text messaging. I h8 u.

The phrase ‘okey dokey’ and people who use it. I recently did and had to punch myself in the mouth.

People who think I’m being sarcastic when I’m being genuinely nasty to them.

Luckily I didn’t get an Oscar this year. It wasn’t really my time to be honest and I don’t begrudge those that did win. Plus I would have had a lot of trouble with my acceptance speech.

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I went to the auditions for the TV show Last Comic Standing on Thursday. Here’s the highlights.

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Sometimes my blog entries feel really forced, just a way to make myself write regularly. Occasionally I’ll get inspired by something and will be amazed at my own brilliance. But rarely does my inspiration come in the mail.

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