Leaving home ain’t easy

I’m in the mood to run away. Preferably to a place where I’m not responsible for ageing parents, or saving money or my share of the housework. Yes, in my utopia we are slovenly, carefree and we kill family members over the age of 50. When I was 10, I wanted to be sent away to boarding school. I read a lot of novels by Enid Blyton about an all-girls boarding school called Mallory Towers and thought the japes that the lesbian-sounding Darrell Rivers got into were very jolly indeed. Unfortunately, boarding school in England is ridiculously expensive and my parents decided that they could recreate the atmosphere of separation at home without spending all that cash. They were apparently fond of buying me books about things I could never aspire to. I still have a book called The Ballet Shoes, about girls who did ballet because they could actually dance and not because their parents were trying unsuccessfully to correct their pigeon-toe feet. And my favourite, When Hitler Stole Pink Rabbit, a delightful tale of a Jewish child trying to escape the Nazi’s. A fantasy tale that would remain just that for me.

I’m feeling overwhelmed and nostalgic for a happier life. I actually spent a big chunk of time today working on my Queen themed show which made me realise just how far behind I am and, if I used such annoying cliches, it was a bit of a wake-up call. I prefer my wake-up calls to commence with: ‘good morning Maggie, it’s another great day in the Wonderful World of Disney’ and then continue with ‘because we’ve killed all the children’.

I’m a little pissed off because in the course of yet more ‘research’ (playing songs, watching videos, reading websites) I discovered that someone else has written an account of their life as a Queen fan. Surely my idea was totally unique among the 60 million fan club members*. What’s more, this one isn’t just written, it’s a comic book/(graphic novel, depending on your age). I’m not linking to the promo because I’m not mature enough, but it’s due to be published in (Brian) May. But not to worry, my show will be premiering 3 months earlier, on February 6th and will be seen by at least 60 people at the Hyde Park Theatre. He merely has a national publishing deal and pre-orders on Amazon.com and Amazon.co.uk

* numbers may be off by 1 or 2