We went to see a solicitor yesterday to get our wills done. The good news is that Erik will never kill me for financial gain. Unless he turns very stupid. We spent pretty much the whole meeting discussing what would happen in the event of Erik’s death (I get the dog and the cash) or in the event of us dying together (the dog goes to a friend and brothers, sisters and charities get the cash). It was interesting to sit there and realise the relative insignificance of my death, financially at least. I still have a few more years to make my lasting impact on the world and any achievement will be all the greater the older I get. Still smoking and drinking wine daily at age 98? What an incredible woman.

We were also asked to note down any personal items that we might want to leave to specific individuals, either things of high value or of particular significance to others. So I’ve been wandering around our place looking at my stuff and wondering who the hell might want it. Apparently, it can help to figure this out if you think about what items you might grab if there was a fire and you had to leave in a hurry. My most treasured belongings, aside from all things husband and dog related is my Queen memorabilia - the band, not the Head of State, although I do have a Silver Jubilee tea-towel and mug stuffed in a drawer somewhere. Admittedly this is rather a sad indictment of my life and also suggests that I wouldn’t be very efficient in a fire, lugging around my Queen Box set with pristine vinyl copies of every Queen album every recorded and binders of the quarterly Queen fan club magazine that spans 17 years. When I was staying at my mum’s last month she wanted me to go through her jewellery and choose any pieces I might like so I could enjoy them before her death. This seemed rather an unpleasant idea to me, and suggests that she might actually die, which I’m in complete denial about, though it wasn’t quite as bad as her suggestion that my brother could also select some pieces which he could then sell for a bit of cash. My other valued possession is my wedding dress, but I was planning on being cremated in this in a ghoulish and not really Miss Haversham tribute. Anyway, I’m thinking of inviting a few people over to have a sort of pre-death house clearance. Anything you fancy, just let me know. Though I should warn you that most of the good stuff is Erik’s.

Tonight is the opening night for my sketch show. Opening night may sound a bit grand for a show with only 2 performances, but at least we aren’t so pretentious as to give our show a title. Or to promote it all that heavily.

(more…)

I haven’t exercised since I went to Fresno and I’ve got another triathlon on Sunday. So I’m now trying to cram two weeks of workouts and healthy eating into a couple of days. It’s what the professional athletes do, at least they would if they were lazy and had eaten oatmeal cookies twice a day because they were the best thing in the campus cafeteria.

(more…)

No posting on Friday doesn’t mean the show was shit. Friday passed in a bit of a mushy haze, Saturday was spent travelling back to Austin and yesterday was unpacking, laundry and wasting time reading websites and blogs. So a recap.

(more…)

It’s almost over. Tonight I’ll be performing the 10 minute piece that I’ve created over the past two weeks. Tomorrow, Erik will be showing the animation clip he’s been working on. Then it’s a long night of drinking and maybe another visit to the karaoke bar, before we have to leave Saturday morning. I’m ready to go home. We need to get the dog from her vacation home and hope she can act as excited to see us as we’ll be to see her. I can’t wait to sleep in the same bed as Erik and eat something other than salad. I want to watch television for the first time in two weeks and get back into exercising, rather than just wearing exercise clothes and pretending.

But I don’t want to say goodbye to everyone here. Not everyone, there’s probably a few hundred people here that I won’t have too much trouble separating from. But for my little group of 12 writer/performers and our guest artists, this is going to be hard. Got to stop being so mushy. I blame the classical music I’m listening to. Changing it to punk. Then I can happily hate everyone, including myself.

Show review sometime tomorrow.

I’m not sure what’s happening to me. In the past couple of days I’ve told my group I feel ‘very connected’ to them, I sang/shouted (We are the Champions) in a karaoke bar before I’d finished my first drink and most horrifying of all, I’ve started enjoying improv. I’ve been here almost a week and I’m already dreading the end. I’ve played characters that scare me and amaze me. I’ve learned African dances and sung Aboriginal songs. I’ve watched some incredible performances by our guest perfomers. And I’ve started working on a solo show that I’m both excited about and overwhelmed by. I blame the mask exercise, I think there was a bit of voodoo mixed up in that. There’s no way I could have enjoyed playing my masked character without it.

The writing is hard. Every conversation opens up a new way of looking at my characters and expanding the piece. I keep thinking that in someone elses hands, this could be brilliant. On Monday, we’re supposed to have the first read-throughs of our scripts. At this point I’ll be reading three mediocre blogs.

Fortunately it isn’t all good. I really can’t bear to spend time in my prison cell/room. I’m feeling too lazy to exercise. And the food remains reassuringly bad. That’s the motto for Fresno State University - ‘when everything around you is changing for the better, you can always go to the cafeteria.’

I’ve been here three days. My cynicism is running at an all-time high. I’m trying to keep it under control but it’s hard to stay really open to all the new things we’re doing when the voice in my head is yelling ‘oh come on, this is a load of old wank’.

(more…)

So I’m here in Fresno, California, or ‘frisco for those of my friends who prefer to believe that’s where I am. Or that ‘frisco is an abbreviation I would ever use.

(more…)

The last time I was this much of a hypocrite it was the Funnniest Person in Austin contest back in April. After rubbishing it and refusing to take part, I went ahead and did it and was as mediocre as I’d suspected. But now I’m no longer doing stand-up (lets see how long this lasts) I had to find another way.

(more…)

Went to Central Market (Austin grocery store) this morning. CM is now printing its paper bags with the following message:

‘I am a brown paper bag. More than likely I’ll end up under your kitchen sink with a few of my friends. I might get cut up and wrapped around an old textbook, or just stuck under something messy. It would be nice if someone made me into a kite. I’d like to be a kite. But whatever happens, I will never forget the day I carried groceries home from Central Market.’

(more…)