Hello? … yes … it’s me mum, Maggie, yes you called me … I am still in bed … no I haven’t wasted the best part of the day, it’s only 4 in the morning here … yes the time difference is 6 hours, in the OTHER direction …..
…yes I suppose that is peculiar, but I don’t really think the Blair Government is to blame … well I hadn’t actually noticed the Prime Minister’s haircut but perhaps he’s got a little more on his mind than on his head ha ha … no, that was a joke … about his hair … oh never mind …
… well I think you have an interesting way of looking at world politics, but I don’t think the Israeli’s are just ‘being silly’ and I don’t think the Irish are making a big fuss over nothing … yes I know you just had to ‘get on with it’ during the war but … well actually all those ‘dreadful people’ they’re letting in have faced persecution and I just don’t think that spending months in a detention center is …
… yes of course I’m delighed that the roses look so marvellous, but as I was saying … oh and the forsythia too … but not the daffodils, no, not since I ran my tricycle over them 32 years ago …
… mum, believe me I wish I could see the church window you’ve decorated for Harvest Festival too … you’re sending me photos … a whole roll of them … that’s so kind …so anyway did I tell you that I …
… well yes, of course I remember Mrs Underwood, how is she … oh she’s dead, well I’m very sorry to hear that … by ‘batty’ do you mean Alzheimers…no, just batty, I see … so anyway I wanted to tell you …
… Steve, who’s Steve … no mum I’m actually married to Erik now … that’s right, for 4 years … no mum, I really don’t know how Steve is doing, I left him 6 years ago … yes, he was very nice … well I’m sure he’s happy now … yes Erik’s fine thank you … yes his parents are doing great … yes and his sister … yes and his brother … no I don’t know about their cat …
… oh how am I? well I’m glad you asked because … yes I suppose I can wait while you use the lavatory … good I’m glad you feel better … yes it is a ‘damn nuisance’ that you have to ‘go’ all the time, believe me, I know …
… so anyway I have a show tonight and I’m … oh your lunch is ready, no, it’s a little early for my dinner … actually I don’t think you need to do that with frozen pizza but …. alright, well thanks for calling … yes I’m truly delighted to have such a jumpstart on the day … bye mum … well the saying is ‘break a leg’ but thank you anyway…alright, yes I lov….click