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You’re an embarrassment

Wow, that was embarrassing for you on Monday night – greeting a complete stranger as though you knew him. What a bird-brain.

— I know but I was overtired, hyped up on painkillers and exhausted from performing in the Funniest Person in Austin contest. Hey, I made the semi-finals by the way.

Yes of course you did, but you know you didn?t really deserve to, right? Haven?t you heard how many other great comics that night were robbed? Now whose fault is that?

— shut up, la la la, not listening, fingers in my ears, la, la, la, can?t hear you

Yes, very mature Gallant. And this is why you need me, because what happens when you go it alone? Lets see, as you?re being introduced to Meggan?s friend Shaan after the show, turn to him and say ?Hi Shaan, great to see you again?. Never met him before in your life. brilliant.

— it was a mistake, it just came out like that, but I think they understood, we all laughed

No, you just made it worse by going all Hugh Grant – ?oh I?m so sorry, stupid of me, don?t know why I said that, golly what an idiot, ha ha, snort’

— what was I supposed to do? Listen to you and make some feeble ?..we must have met in a former life? joke? Why do you always make me feel so rubbish, why can?t you just shut up for 5 minutes?

Hey, I?ve been here for you for 39 years, trying to keep you from making a fool of yourself. Watching you, giving you feedback, damnit I?m your voice of reason, your inner monologue and this is how you treat me?

— yeah, well you?ve become mighty loud for an inner voice recently and rather shrill and repetitive too. Your monologue needs updating matey, it’s lacking in imagination. Maybe you should spend some time with inner child, she?s back in 1972 dancing to the Monster Mash.

Now, I’m off to celebrate making a tit of myself. Night.