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Lenham news

Recent half page advertisement in the Lenham parish magazine, a dependable source of local news, services and events from my home village in England. Always something there to bring a tear of laughter to my eye and a choking sensation to my throat.


(two exclamation points to denote surprise and/or excitement)

White/tabby cat with black splotches
(the latter perhaps from a cruel prank?)

Grey strip on back
(duct tape? see above)

Short legs
(how much shorter could they be? maybe they’re not legs at all, just paws glued to the abdomen)

Left eye looks as if wearing eyeliner
(probably blue eyeshadow too … slut)

(not surprised)
Please call.