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You’ve Got Mail. But it’s all crap

I?ve checked my email way too many times today. I’ve been hitting the Get New Mail button in the hope that something new will distract me from the work I should be doing instead of aimlessly surfing the web (see previous entry). Usually there’s nothing, maybe a single piece of spam but occasionally I’ll hit it big and a sudden clump of mails will come through. The number total in my inbox starts climbing, 2..3…5…7 A pause and I think it’s all finished, but wait, now it’s 8, yes, .. and one more ..9

Exhausted from its delivery, my email program sits back and I promise to let it rest a while. There’s a wave of excitment as I anticipate opening my mails, who will they be from? Maybe an offer of work, a party (not Evite though, I loathe that) an old friend that I haven?t heard from in years, or just current friends just catching up. Oh the possibilities. But also the potential for grand disappointment.

Can’t wait to know? Read on.

Today I received the following 6 emails, not in a cluster, this was total:

1. Brow O. Lessening
The oh so tantalising subject line :imerpovd Popercia, Viagra Pills
How the heck are these getting through our spam filter?

2. Austin Pets Alive Handbill
A daily newsletter about the dogs at the local pound, including those in immediate need of rescuing, given that the pound has to kill on average 35 dogs per day. I can rarely bring myself to read this, but apparently need to torture myself by subscribing.

Ah yes, my weekly newsletter from the service I subscribed to and used for about 3 days. I also receive emails telling me it?s time for my ?weekly check-in today!?

New Puma styles at Zappos. This is a little better. I?m always happy to hear that there are new Pumas to consider buying, but disappointed if it?s just different colour variations of existing styles. Haven?t followed the link to the website yet, but hopeful.

5. Lauren
Best of the day, my very good friend, responding to the mail I sent last night with the subject line: I?m Quitting Comedy Too. She suggested knitting as a hobby less likely to rob me of my self-esteem.

Urgent: Hawthorn Elephants in Danger of Ending Up With Cicrus
I?m sorry Hawthorn Elephants, I wish I wasn?t such a wimp, but alerts from PETA get me all anxious. I?ll try and read you tomorrow.

So that was it, another crazy hectic day. The lesson is to stay on top of your mails or they just pile up and rise against you, the pressure slowly building until one day they leap off the screen and start attacking you. Unable to fight any more, you suffocate under their weight.

Yes, I have too much time on my hands.