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‘Don’t worry Maggie..will you be on your deathbed wishing you?d spent more time cleaning the house??

I don?t know who came up with this nonsense, or why someone was presumptuous enough to say it to me when I made a passing comment about the untidy state of our house, but my answer is yes.

Our place is an absolute mess right now. Not in a ‘please excuse the mess, we’ve only been cleaning it for the past 24 hours’ way. More in a dishes in the sink, laundry to be done, surfaces to be wiped, dog hair to be swept, things to be dusted, nasty stuff in the refrigerator to be chucked, three nights of take-away containers to go out kind of way. I feel a bit slovenly. Studenty. Same thing.

The last few weeks have been so busy with comedy and the Fronterafest show that everything else has been swept aside. Metaphorically, as the sweeping still awaits me. Erik?s dad was here this weekend and we pretended to be responsible and hygienic adults. But a quick swiffer of the floor and a paper towel scoop of the crumbs on the kitchen counter is really very basic. Plus he didn?t see upstairs.

So I think I could well be on my deathbed regretting my domestic failures. For example, my marriage may have failed because Erik got sick of doing all the work and left me for a woman comparable in looks but with less disdain for cleaning the bathroom. I could therefore be ending it all with a bottle of pills, wondering what might have been.

Or my impending death could have resulted from eating infected brussel sprouts, inhaling lung fulls of dust and woolly stuff from the uncleaned lint tray in the tumble dryer, or from an evil spell cast on me by the once lucky bamboo which was left unwatered for weeks. An uncleaned house is a deathbed in waiting.

When on my deathbed, which I imagine will be a standard bed but with the word DEATH in large letters above it – probably a reversible sign, the other side simply saying SICK – I?m also likely to wish that I?d spent more time writing my blogs so that I?d have plenty to read when confined to bed. They wouldn?t even have to be exciting. This kind of one is fine.

If I’m dying and reading this, then oh well, sorry about that. And good luck. Say hi to everyone for me.